Why You’re Not Out of Control: Understanding Binge Eating Through a Compassionate Lens
If you’ve ever found yourself at the bottom of a bag of chips wondering, “What’s wrong with me?”—you are not alone.
Maybe you swore this would be the last time. Maybe you promised you’d “get back on track” tomorrow. And yet, the bingeing happens again.
Here’s what I want you to know:
Binge eating is not a personal failure.
You’re not broken.
You’re not out of control.
You are under-resourced.
Let’s talk about why—and how healing is possible.
The Myth of Willpower
Diet culture loves to tell us that eating "too much" is a willpower problem. That if we just had enough discipline, we could control our urges, fix our cravings, and finally be “good.”
But binge eating is NOT about willpower. It’s a natural response to unmet needs—physical, emotional, or psychological.
When your body or brain feels deprived, overwhelmed, or disconnected, it looks for relief. Food often provides that relief—because eating literally soothes the nervous system.
It's not a failure. It’s survival.
What’s Really Going On
Most binge episodes are triggered by being under-resourced in one or more ways:
Physical deprivation: Skipping meals, undereating, or dieting can leave your body biologically desperate for nourishment.
Emotional overload: Stress, loneliness, anger, grief—all can trigger bingeing as a coping mechanism.
Mental exhaustion:Perfectionism, self-criticism, and decision fatigue wear you down, making binges more likely.
Bingeing is not about losing control. It’s about trying to meet an unmet need as best you can in the moment.
The Binge-Restrict Cycle
Here’s how it often plays out:
1. Restriction: You tell yourself you need to “be good,” eat less, or avoid certain foods.
2. Deprivation: Your body feels starved—physically or emotionally.
3. Binge: Eventually, your body rebels against deprivation.
4. Shame: Afterward, guilt sets in. You resolve to restrict harder next time.
And the cycle repeats.
The harder you restrict, the stronger the binge impulse becomes. *Compassion, not control, breaks the cycle.
How to Begin Healing
Here’s where true change starts:
Nourish consistently.
Eat satisfying meals and snacks every 3–4 hours—even if you binged yesterday. Stability heals.
Get curious, not critical.
When you notice an urge to binge, gently ask:
- Have I eaten enough today?
- How am I feeling emotionally?
- What do I really need right now?
Regulate your nervous system.
Try grounding techniques like 5-4-3-2-1 sensory exercises, deep breathing, or simply placing your hand on your heart.
You don’t have to be perfect to be healing. You just have to be willing to meet yourself with care.
You’re Allowed to Move Forward Without Punishment
The next meal is not a punishment or a fresh start. It’s just another opportunity to nourish your body.
You don’t need to be “better.”
You need to be fed, cared for, and heard.
And you deserve that—always.