How to Cope When Family Comments on Your Body (or Your Plate)
When Family Comments Hit Hard
It happens every year, a relative comments on your weight, what you’re eating, or how much you’ve “changed.” Maybe they mean well, or maybe they don’t, but either way, it stings.
If you’re healing your relationship with food or your body, these comments can feel especially triggering. They can bring up shame, self-doubt, and the urge to retreat into old patterns of restriction or overcontrol.
The good news? You can protect your peace without cutting off connection and it doesn’t require a perfect comeback or endless patience. It just requires a plan and some compassion for yourself.
Here’s how.
Recognize That Their Comments Aren’t Really About You
When someone comments on your body or what you’re eating, it often says far more about their relationship with food and body image than it does about yours.
Diet culture runs deep and for many people, talking about weight or food is their way of connecting, even if it’s harmful. Recognizing this doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it can help you release the belief that you did something wrong.
Therapist tip: When you notice a comment landing hard, try this internal reframe:
“This is about their relationship to food and their body, not my worth.”
That quick pause can help you stay anchored in your truth instead of getting pulled into old thought patterns.
Decide Ahead of Time What Feels Supportive for You
You don’t have to “wing it.” You can make a plan for how to care for yourself before, during, and after family gatherings.
Try this:
Before: Check in with your body: eat enough, rest, and remind yourself what your recovery values are.
During: Step away if you need a break. It’s okay to take a walk, go to the bathroom, or find a moment of quiet.
After: Reach out to a friend, therapist, or recovery space where you feel understood. Processing with supportive people helps regulate your nervous system.
Therapist re- framing: Boundaries aren’t about being rude, they’re about protecting your healing and choosing self-respect.
Have a Few Responses Ready (and It’s Okay to Keep It Short)
You don’t owe anyone an explanation about your body, your food, or your recovery. Still, having a few go-to phrases can help you feel more confident in the moment.
Here are a few examples:
“I’m focusing on listening to my body right now.”
“I’m not talking about diets or bodies today, let’s catch up on something else.”
“Comments like that aren’t helpful for me.”
“My body isn’t up for discussion.”
(Or, if humor feels safer): “I think my plate’s doing just fine on its own, thanks!”
Therapist tip: Choose one or two phrases that feel natural and practice them out loud. The goal isn’t to change their behavior, it’s to protect your peace.
Ground Yourself in the Present Moment
After a comment, your body might go into a stress response: heart racing, face flushing, or stomach tightening. That’s your body trying to protect you.
Try this:
Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, and exhale through your mouth.
Notice your feet on the floor, your hands on your lap.
Silently remind yourself: “ My body deserves kindness.”
This grounding helps your nervous system regulate so you can respond (or choose not to) from a place of calm rather than reactivity.
Remember: You Don’t Have to Earn Respect or Food
You deserve to feel comfortable and respected, no matter what your body looks like or what’s on your plate.
You don’t have to justify your eating habits, defend your recovery, or shrink yourself to make others more comfortable.
Healing your relationship with food and body image means reclaiming your right to exist fully to eat, to rest, to take up space, without apology.
Final Thoughts
Family gatherings can be a mix of joy and pain, especially when you’re breaking free from generations of diet talk. But every time you choose compassion, boundaries, and presence, you’re rewriting the story, not just for yourself, but for the people around you, too.
It’s okay if it feels hard. It’s okay if you need to step away. You’re doing the brave work of healing in a culture that still equates worth with size.
And that deserves recognition, not judgment.
Want more support like this?
Download my free guide: 5 Day Food Freedom Kickstarter to help you stay grounded in your recovery through the holidays and beyond.
Contact me to schedule a 15 minutes consultation to see if we would be a good fit to work together.